Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Randomize
