we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
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