i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Life is so much better after having sex.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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