I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Let's paint friendship bongs
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I woke up under a house in Key West
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
