Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
