i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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