i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
