For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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