i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
