Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
