addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
