Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
