So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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