i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
