It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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