I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
