Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
