He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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