you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
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