I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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