omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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