I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
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Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
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I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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