I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
