U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
