I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
