Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
