I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
