she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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