do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
