Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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