Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
