When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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