It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
