Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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