I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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