I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
