shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
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