I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
