forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
