he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
