why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Randomize
