I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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