I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
