What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
