the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
This is the high leading the old right now
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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