i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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