we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
