If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
