She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize