It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
