Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I just cut my nipple shaving
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
