Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
