she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
