I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize