guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
