I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
