Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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