Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
