Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i used baking grease as lip gloss
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
The air taste purple.
Randomize
