dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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