gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
