Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
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We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
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He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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