Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
