dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
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Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
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I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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