I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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