Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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