had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
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you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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