i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
he was CRYING into my vagina
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Randomize
