Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
