It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
