i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
