Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
