Betty ford says i'm here all night
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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