help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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