I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
